Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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