this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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