Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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