I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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