just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
