I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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