found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
