My underwear smells like fireworks.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
