Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize