we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
