who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
