i think my mom watched the whole time
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
