Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
