we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
