I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
