I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
