A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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