everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
