She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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