i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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