I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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