This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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