All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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