What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
sex in a hospital.. check
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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