Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
