the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
