Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
