im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
