Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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