A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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