It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
