There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
