In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize