Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
