he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
