he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
