Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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