Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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