Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize