Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
