and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was CRYING into my vagina
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
