i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
