# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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