White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
