I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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