Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
