you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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