it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize