i permit you to call me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
