he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
