Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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