2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
