This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
