I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
