What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
