Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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