dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
