I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
