I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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