Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This house was built for laser tag.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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