party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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