before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
