i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
