you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
