Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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