I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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