Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
