i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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