Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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