dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
