He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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