Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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