What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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