You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
