why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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