you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
