I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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