NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
