This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
