super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You ruined the universe
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
