When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
