I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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