i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
