i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He shit in the fireplace
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
