at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize