I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
