Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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