You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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