What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
