The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
