they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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