fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
