remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My vagina just clenched in fear
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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