I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
