My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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