I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
