I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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